We've all got our pet peeves about the Pagan Community. Sometimes it's people that get on our nerves, and sometimes it's the mindsets that people have. Sometimes it's groups of people with a certain mindset. And of course, sometimes what really ticks us off is someone else's idea of exactly what Paganism should represent. When this argument comes up, there's always the argument about what's "fair" and what's "appropriate." Of course, the terms "fair" and "appropriate" are very subjective terms, and they almost always seem to be used in such a way as to support the person who's using them.

For example-- I've been hearing a lot of discussion lately on the subject of "Bunnies." There isn't a single definition for "Bunnies," or even a single term; you'll hear them called "Fluff Bunnies," "Fluffy Bunnies," "Pink Fluffy Bunnies," or a variety of other not particularly flattering names. While nobody identifies themselves as a Bunny, it's not uncommon for particular behavior to cause someone to get lumped into this category. This behavior can include (but is not limited to) confusing fantasy with reality, claiming expertise where none exists, claiming persecution where none exists, claiming to be the reincarnation of someone important, famous, or fictional, or claiming phenomenal magic powers. Now, to be "fair", most of the Bunnies are not bad people. Some of them are just following a trend, some of them have been misled by others, and some of them have some serious issues. The argument is made that it's not "appropriate" to criticize these people.

The problem is that the terms "fair" and "appropriate" are being applied in a rather selective manner.

Let's look at this situation from another viewpoint-- here we have a group of people who are living and perpetuating stereotypes that the rest of us are fighting. (They're often fighting them, too-- which makes it even harder for the protests to be taken seriously.) Every time we tell someone we're a Pagan, we pray that they either haven't met one of these Bunnies or aren't going to judge us based on them. They tend to be very enthusiastic-- which translates into loud, and often pushy-- and often make the strongest impression on newcomers who come looking to Paganism for a serious religion.

One complaint about Christians that's common among Pagans is that they don't try to counteract the things said by Falwell and Robertson. "They can't be that decent," it's said, "if they let people like that say and do such things in their name. They support them with their silence." I've heard the same argument used to justify attacks against many religions and ethnic groups. Of course, this statement is never made to the members of these ethnic groups-- so how many times has it been said about us, behind our backs?

And yet, we seem to think we're obligated to suffer this indignity in silence. We're not only supposed to respect the people that do this to us, but we're expected to include them. We must be respectful of all things Pagan, after all. It's not right to force our opinions on others.

Now, I've got a pretty good perspective when it comes to Bunnies. See, I used to be one-- one of the worst. I don't talk about it much, mostly out of shame, but when I discovered Paganism I was damaged goods. I took my myriad issues and embraced a religion that I chose to perceive in a fashion that was custom fit to soothe all of my neuroses.

In the end, it didn't help. I became one of those whackos who believes that they are chosen by the Gods, and because of that, they are always Right. I replaced my fear of being rejected with an utter disregard for the feelings of everyone around me, and it amazes me that I kept any friends at all. I lived in a universe of my own design that revolved around me. Through it all, I craved attention and affirmation-- which were provided by my newfound Pagan Friends. They really and truly thought they were being nice to me.

It's not their fault that I was a flake, and it must have taken a heroic effort to tolerate me. But in hindsight, they really weren't doing me any favors. The system just doesn't work that way. Humans learn by feedback; I was being given positive feedback for behavior that over a decade later fills me with shame. I got better, of course, but only because I spiraled down to rock bottom and stayed there for a while.

It's worth noting that Paganism-- real Paganism, and not the low-calorie version I'd adopted-- helped get me back on my feet. I was drawn to Paganism because it was right for me; I just took a few wrong turns getting here. So when I hear people suggest that we should be nice to the Bunnies, all I can think of is the line from Sondheim's Into the Woods: "You're so nice... you're not good, you're not bad, you're just nice..."

I'm not advocating making rabbit stew or anything drastic, I'm just suggesting a different approach. Instead of feeding their need for attention, maybe we should actually do something constructive. If someone is annoying, pushy, or offensive, we shouldn't overlook their behavior because they're Pagan. If you can't find it in your heart to tell them that they're irritating you without being unnecessarily rude, then just ignore them. Walk away. If they get too pushy, tell them to grow up. They may not like it, but they'll learn that, hey, maybe people don't want to hear the story of how they found out they were the reincarnation of (insert someone ridiculous here). Sometimes it's okay to tell someone "Hey, you're making me uncomfortable."

How is it right to reward someone for bad behavior? How is it inappropriate to complain about it? How are we helping them by coddling them?

One of the ugly truths is that we, to a certain extent, enjoy the Bunnies. They're entertaining, particularly when they're dead serious, and there are a lot of people who like the respect that Bunnies tend to bestow on Elders-- and it doesn't take a lot of work to convince a Bunny that you're an Elder. There are a lot of Pagans who will take advantage of their naïveté, and while it's normally harmless, sometimes the Bunnies get exploited.

Whether you like the Bunnies or not, they're part of the Pagan Commmunity-- and as such, we bear a certain amount of responsibility for both their behavior and their treatment. We're not going to do them any good by humoring them, and we're not going to help the community by just letting these folks run wild. If they're not interested in acting like sane, rational adults-- and many of them just aren't-- we shouldn't be trying to make them feel welcome at the expense of others who aren't comfortable with them. But many of them, with a little understanding and honesty, can be led to find a peer group of grown Pagans who are grounded in reality.

It's easy to tolerate this behavior most of the time; you don't have to hurt anyone's feelings. But is it right? Is it right to spare yourself this uncomfortable moment and help this person continue to embarass themselves, as well as everyone else present? I believe that we have to take responsibility for this element of our community. Some of these folks need the help that a community can offer. True, some of them don't want help and some of them can't be helped. But we can't just ignore them and let others believe that we are all like this. This hurts our image, and worse yet, it will make it harder for the serious seekers to find us and take us seriously. In the end you can spare one person's feelings, but you might end up making victims the rest of us. In what way is that appropriate? Or Fair?

© 2004 by Cather "Catalyst" Steincamp