I'm thrilled to hear that the new Harry Potter book is due out in June. I've been chomping at the bit for over a year already, ever since I finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This really has nothing to do with me being a Pagan, as the books don't have anything to do with actual Witchcraft. I mean, c'mon, what kind of Pagan Academy sends the kids home for Christmas Vacation? The fact that some people have let that line between fantasy and reality blur is both sad and irritating.

Especially in the case of Pagans like Kevin Carlyon.

In case you haven't heard about Mr. Carlyon, I'd suggest keeping that to yourself, lest he find a way to bombard you with press releases. His latest publicity stunt-- err, Public Service-- is the protest over the release date of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. You see, Order of the Phoenix comes out on June 21. Carlyon says that releasing the book on the Summer Solstice is offensive to real witches, and that "...there's a good chance the book could be cursed." He actually said this, straight-faced, to members of the press.

I know I'm supposed to be tolerant of other people's positions and opinions, but there's a difference between "expressing an unpopular opinion" and "flouncing about like Merlin on mushrooms." I was particularly incensed when he announced that he was coming to Virginia to act as live bait in a magical trap for the Beltway Sniper.

I took this one especially personally, because I live in the area where the shootings were taking place. For a period of time that, even in hindsight, seems like forever, I was one of the people haunted by the fear that I might get shot down and never hear the bullet that killed me. It was truly surreal for a while. At one point, I was walking into a grocery store and I noticed that everyone in the parking lot was walking in odd patterns. I mean everyone-- there were probably fifteen people walking around like something out of the Monty Python sketch about the Ministry of Silly Walks, trying to avoid being an easy target. And then it hit me that, being the only person who wasn't impersonating John Cleese, I was the easiest target in the lot. More frightening were the moments where there was no one in the parking lot but my fiancée and myself. There we were, six weeks from getting married, wondering if one of us was going to get killed before the wedding.

So you can imagine how I felt when this self-righteous flake decided to capitalize on the tragedy in order to get his name in the papers. Had this been a garden-variety, non-Pagan, psychic wannabe, it would have been bad enough, but he had to drag my religion through the mud as well.

I know I'm supposed to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this guy's track record hardly provides any doubt. His "psychic snapshot" of the Beltway Sniper failed to mention that there were actually two snipers, and his description didn't match either one. I'm sure he'll claim his "ex-military" prediction as a success, but that's a fairly easy thing to guess when you can't get height, age, style of dress, motive, or indeed, the actual number of killers. He also divined that the sniper was killing people according to a specific pattern (false) would kill himself, along with the 13th victim, on Halloween (the suspects had already shot thirteen by the time they were arrested on October 24).

This is the same man who says that he cast a spell to prevent a scientist from finding the Loch Ness Monster. He never actually gave a convincing reason that I could find why sabotaging scientific discovery was a good thing, but he did claim complete success ("His expedition proved fruitless and rather foolish against my use of 'Earth Magic' which was seen by millions of viewers around the world."). He also claims to have lifted the curse on the "Scottish Play."¹ It's a good thing he uses these fantastic powers "only on the light side of the Force"-- if he were to go bad, he might cause unrest in the Middle East, cause prices to rise, and make children disrespect their elders.

Carlyon isn't the first Pagan with whom I don't agree who has gotten publicity, nor will he be the last. And I'm a big boy-- I don't expect every public Pagan to possess an exact copy of my value system, and I'm not going to revile someone just because I don't agree with them. (Well, okay, maybe, but I'll do it in private.) There's a difference between someone like Carlyon and someone like, say, Starhawk. I don't agree with Starhawk's politics, I've got issues with her interpretation of the religion, and I'm not always fond of her methods. But at the end of the day, Starhawk is doing what she's doing because she thinks it's right. Starhawk is doing what she thinks is necessary to make the world a better place, and I respect that.

Carlyon, on the other hand, is doing what he thinks will get him attention. I went through this phase myself, when I was a teenager (and a year or two after). To be honest, it's a time in my life I regard with shame and embarassment.

This isn't even his first Potter-related tantrum. In 2001, he claimed to put a binding spell on the first Harry Potter film because previews showed Harry Potter riding a broomstick like they do in movies, with the brush behind them, rather than like they're shown in the old woodcuttings, with the brush forward. He said that "Warner Bros claims the film is an accurate portrayal of things that happen in witchcraft" and that the spell would keep the movie from making any money until they admitted they were in error. Even if you ignore the whole ethical issue of using magic to harm because of a difference of opinion, it's interesting to note that I can find no references to Warner Brothers making such a claim, nor can I find any statement to indicate that they recanted. Yet on his website, he claims that "...I can lift my spell on Harry Potter as the long awaited acknowledgement that the broomstick was the wrong way around has been received." It's a good thing, because that $649,594,267 International Gross (the second largest such gross of all time) would have put a serious dent in his self-stated "98% Success Rate."

I think it's safe to say that every culture has at least one Kevin Carlyon-- someone who twists the basic concept of the culture into something that's mildly entertaining, like a B-Movie. At first you kind of like him, and he seems harmless enough, and at least he's getting the idea out there. But it's not harmless-- he's a pompous posing prat who makes us all look ridiculous-- and that's not the idea you want to get out there.

Fortunately, Carlyon seems to be the extreme example. We've got flakier, but they never seem to get more press than a radio call-in show. And so far as I know, none of them have even shown up on Jerry Springer. But even so, we need to make a stand when people like this get their fifteen minutes. They always look so great on the radio call-in show when the extra-rabid Christian calls in, but how would they look if someone called in and said, "I'm a Pagan, too. I believe in magic. I believe in reincarnation. And you know what else? I believe that you're a complete and total whackjob."

We've got plenty of exciting and dynamic people in the Pagan Community that are actually good for something. We don't need to waste support-- even the tacit support of silience-- on people who can't distinguish a children's book from reality. I suppose he was taken off guard by the character of Gilderoy Lockhart-- pompous, self-righteous, and utterly fake. He's probably just mad because he thinks it was based on him.

¹Many thespians believe William Shakespeare's Macbeth is cursed. It's considered poor form to even mention its name inside a theatre-- thus the nickname "The Scottish Play."

Afternote: Since the time this article was written, the total international gross for the first Harry Potter film has risen to $658,900,000, although it has fallen to third place.

© 2003 by Cather "Catalyst" Steincamp